| a bit of me has broken off. |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|02:48 am] |
I broke a tooth today. I was eating lunch at the buffet with Carin, when I thought I'd gotten a bit of bone along with whatever I was chewing. I spat it out, and continued eating. A bit later, I realized that there was something wrong with my mouth--I flicked my tongue over where one of my left top molars was, and felt a jagged edge. I felt myself blanch, and panic started welling up.
Perhaps now is a good time to mention that my most recently remembered disturbing dream involved me reaching into my mouth, cracking off a chunk of my jaw--teeth, gums and all--and holding it up, pink and gray and glistening, to look at. I usually maintain good humor when injured; I managed to be polite to everyone when I separated my shoulder, or broke a toe, or any of that. But I came as close to flipping out and losing it in public as I think I ever have. I didn't scream or thrash or even snap at Carin; I was just scared out of my wits.
My father recommended that I get some temporary dental cement, which I didn't know existed. I did, and Carin installed it for me, because it's very hard to see one's own upper molar. The stuff tastes awful, but I don't care about that even a little; the jagged edge isn't cutting my tongue any more. Supposedly I can eat with the temporary filling, but food is pretty much unthinkable at this point.
To be perfectly honest, I'm terrified that I'm going to have to get the tooth removed. Carin said that only a small piece of the top broke off, nowhere near the gum line, but I'm still scared. It's not that I'm afraid it'll hurt, though I'm sure it would be unpleasant; it's the loss of bodily integrity inherent in needing a piece of myself amputated. I had no idea I would react this strongly, but there it is. I find the idea skin-crawl revolting. I guess I'll find out on Monday if I'll have to go through with it, assuming the clinic takes walk-ins.
Oh, and as I was driving in one direction or another, commenting on the day being a series of disasters, the visor fell off the car roof and landed in my lap. Perfect timing. Some day, I'll look back on that and laugh.
I have homework I haven't done yet for this week, which is par for the course when I have work and other junk to do... but I also had a bug to fix for the weekend release, which I'm not going to get to tonight, even though I told Brian I was going to, because I can't fucking concentrate.
I know I took bad care of my teeth when I was a teenager, but I've been damned scrupulous about it at least since the time I moved in to the apartment. (I don't know quite when I started; it didn't used to be a habit.) But I've been good to them, damn it, and I wasn't chewing ice or doing something stupid like that when it broke off--it just did.
Comments: Telic Thoughts |
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