| in a.d. 2101... war was beginning. |
[Mar. 18th, 2003|08:43 am] |
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Though disapproved of by many, pronunciations ending in \-ky&-l&r\ have been found in widespread use among educated speakers including scientists, lawyers, professors, congressmen, U.S. cabinet members, and at least one U.S. president and one vice president. While most common in the U.S., these pronunciations have also been heard from British and Canadian speakers. --m-w.com, under "nuclear"
Lee and Nate were both at the local student union. A television had been pulled out, and we watched our Fearless Leader beg Iraqis not to torch their sweet sweet oil wells. Watched him talk about the government's quest to bring peace, hope and democracy to the world. You know, like we did to Chile, and, more recently, Venezuela. Peachy. He also said "nookyalur" ("nucular"?) not once, but twice. I snerked at the mention, and shouted at the unresponsive television that he's going to start a kind of war that he can't even pronounce.
We just had a fire drill here. Much like fire drills back home, except that people don't come down wearing only blankets. Must be a cultural thing.
There is, of course, a time and a place for everything, and people were reacting with a good deal of emotion there. I deal with things in a more cerebral, less teary way than some of the folks there did. It was a good idea for me to abscond. Nate was off comforting ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) chameleon613; Lee and I went for a long walk to get liquor. I didn't drink last night, but I suppose the thought was comforting.
How did we get here? It's been a long and Chinese-curse interesting road. If it hadn't been for Nader (though that depends who you ask), if it hadn't been for the Florida recount, if it hadn't been for the judicial coup, if it hadn't been for the World Trade Center attacks, if it hadn't been for the failed effort to find Osama Bin Laden, if it hadn't been for utter silence on the part of the mainstream media here... we wouldn't be looking at the destruction of the United Nations---for a war of aggression directly contravenes the UN charter---and the doctrine of pre-emption enshrined as an acceptable political practice. Every tyrant, every conqueror has claimed self-defense.
I've now been rejected from every program I applied to for graduate school. The urge to hit the mattresses has never been stronger. I need perspective.
Walking with Lee was nice. We came back here and I kicked her ass at Scrabble. I'm a mean kitty, a competitive kitty. Then again, she was drinking and I was merely snarking down heavily fattening ice cream. Woog. I feel chubbened.
Lee masturbated last night, just for stress reasons, not about sex, etc.
Me: I'll just try not to think about being number three on your list.
Lee: What?
Me: Behind Nate and your vibrator.
Sometimes, my wit is too much for even me to bear. |
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| catharsis. |
[Mar. 18th, 2003|05:20 pm] |
Firefly: Then it's war! Then it's war! Gather the forces! Harness the horses! Then it's war!
Minister: Freedonia's going to war!
General: Each native son will grab a gun.
Stenographer: And run away to war!--"Duck Soup"
I wish for peace.
I wish for an end to the insanity, to the lies, to the sad and pointless butchery on both sides. I wish for someone in power to make sense. I wish for the truth to be told. I wish for the people to roust themselves from their slumber and demand accountability from those in power, who have given them nothing but dissembling trouble.
While I'm at it, I'd like a fucking pony.
Lee had work for the middle of the day. I went for a... walk. Went down the highway until it was two-thirty, then turned around and came back. On the one hand, I like taking long walks; they're usually peaceful, meditative affairs. It'd good exercise, it makes me get away from the computer every so often and it's just... well, Rek could write an essay on it, I'm sure.
But lately, long walks haven't been good for me. Drives, either. An internal dialogue (yes, dialogue) starts up, and... I don't know where it comes from, but I end up thinking mean, evil, bad things. Things I don't want to be thinking. I ended up pirckly and angry, ready to tear Lee's head off for imagined offenses when I got back here.
I talked with Lee, was able to stand outside the voices and tell her what was going on. It's difficult for her to be supportive, to be around me when I'm like this. I get angry, and she doesn't want to be around me, and I get mad at her for that, and she really doesn't want to be around me, and... vicious cycle. Stupid. Weak.
Getting it out like that was... nice. We cuddled, and I will get some therapy when I get back to campus. I'll keep telling myself that they're not just there to fill me with lies and drugs, to manufacture happiness. Won't be easy. This is by no means fixed. We're going to have a lot more pain and grief, but... it's a starting place.
And we had sex, or something that segued into sex. It didn't feel like it was done out of pity. I wanted to feel vulnerable, to express trust. And so I had her stick things up my ass. (Sigh.) It sounds ridiculous and TMI-ish when I write it out like that. Bah. It's meaningful to me.
Feeling much better. Hopefully it'll last through the evening. |
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