| worried, a bit. |
[Apr. 9th, 2002|12:12 am] |
Lee has started speaking to Nathan again, at least over the instant messenger.
Why does this worry me? Am I feeling jealous? Nah, not in the same way I was. Perhaps I'm terribly, terribly frightened that, given a chance, he'll weasel his way back into her heart. Pants. Both. Whatever.
I'm overreacting. I'm playing out terrible scenarios in my head. It's not a bad thing that Lee's talking to him again. It's definitely a good thing that Lee's not hiding in her room.
Banky: This is all going to end badly.
Holden: You don't know that.
Banky: I know you.
I just have this terrible feeling that Nathan is going to whip out the silver tongue and Make It All Okay.
I'm going to take a few deep breaths now, and tell myself that we all know the score, and that that can't happen.
If it affects me like this, I can't imagine what Lee must have been feeling---must still be feeling---through this whole ordeal. |
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| quantum, ick. |
[Apr. 9th, 2002|09:02 pm] |
Perhaps the most disturbing sign that I'm headed downhill is my failure to register for classes. I'm not really sure what I'll be taking. I finally registered for three classes, nearly three weeks after my registration period started. I'm sure some things have closed. I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing. I have the summer in my mind, but beyond that... it gets fuzzy.
I just came from the quantum review session. While it was imperative that I made an appearance, I don't feel that much more enlightened. I don't feel a connection between the vague notes he puts on the board and the inscrutable problems that will mercilessly accost me on Thursday's exam.
Bah, I know he's a good teacher. I'm just having a great deal of trouble "getting" this class. He said he'd be around tomorrow; there's probably something I can blow off to go bug him during his office hours.
Before the review session, I saw Kyle for the first time in a while. I'd said I would IM him and we'd get caught up on stuff, and we did. It was a little awkward trying to tell him about my spring break, though---Kyle is a sweet, innocent kind of guy who kept looking at me with these big puppy eyes and asking why on earth I'd do such a thing. Having no delusions about being Polyamory's Ambassador To The Real World, I trailed off. I suppose I should ask Lee to talk to him about this, and by "talk", I mean instant message.
There's an AC comment on a previous entry that I should answer more extensively. On the one hand, I'm flattered that someone's reading my journal. On the other hand, I'm also happy that someone's finally given me an excuse to do a little expository thing I've been wanting to do.
On the other hand, I'm still queasy about quantum. And about operating systems. And, of course, about the next weekly programming project (for algorithms) that's due this Friday. Maybe this one will be a teensy bit shorter. I don't want to pull another damned all-nighter. |
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| coward. |
[Apr. 9th, 2002|11:38 pm] |
Check your spleen at the gate, ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to vent.
Two journal entries back, this was posted. why do you insist on calling harper by the name nathan and calling her by "he/him"? do you not respect the rights of transgender individuals to identify in the way that they chose? and why doesn't your partner have a problem with you being so rude and disrespectful? I was somewhat surprised. Some quick research revealed the following: the IP address was 146.186.145.173.
Quality time with traceroute!
traceroute to 146.186.145.173 (146.186.145.173), 30 hops max, 38 byte packets
[skip miscellaneous crap]
12 ATHERTON108-173.cac-labs.psu.edu (146.186.145.173) 29.830 ms 30.455 ms 31.292 ms
Who do I know who goes to PSU? Oh, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jennifer_1979, perhaps. Now, there's an off-chance that it might not be Jenn. After all, she left me this seemingly clear message on the twelfth of February: i wanted to let you know that i'm officially taking you off my buddy list and stopping communicating with you. it's nothing to do with you personally at all, i find you amusing and enjoy chatting with you, but i need to completely cut off contact with anyone who remains in contact with lee. i wish you the best in everything you do. bye. Quite mature of her; I was sad to see her go but respected her wishes.
Posting as an anonymous coward, however, is not mature. I don't troll her livejournal, not even anonymously.
Whether or not this is Jenn (and I believe it is), these questions deserve a response. why do you insist on calling harper by the name nathan and calling her by "he/him"? If I did otherwise, it would imply that I respected his decision and choices. I don't. do you not respect the rights of transgender individuals to identify in the way that they chose? Sure, I respect those rights. Given that Nathan represents trannies about as well as John Wayne Gacy represents clowns, I don't think I'm abusing the civil rights of the transgendered en masse. If this didn't smell so strongly of a way for Nathan to avoid responsibility, I wouldn't have such a problem with it, but it reeks of his talent for ignoring obligation, for ignoring the shit that rises in his wake.and why doesn't your partner have a problem with you being so rude and disrespectful? I don't think Rek has that kind of pull over me. She's not the controlling type, anyway.
You probable meant Lee. Off of the top of my head, I'd guess that Lee doesn't have a problem with me exercising a bit of agency. I don't think she has any great love for Nathan. I also think it's pretty damned tasteless to bring her into this little diatribe of yours. If your issue is with me, then say it is. If it's with Lee, then go post anonymously over there, like the coward you are.
I Have Been Trolled. But I don't feel like I've lost. And I'm having a pretty fucking nice day. |
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