| rekness, sex0red. also: i frighten myself. |
[Mar. 22nd, 2002|12:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | uneasy silence | ] |
Rek arrived around six, when she said she would. She took off her boots. We spoke. We stood in the middle of the room. I was wondering how one got from there to sex when she said, "You should fuck me." So, there was ravishment. My ravishes are kind of weak, not particularly forceful, because I'm used to doing them on Lee, who is fragile. Rek likes grabbing and ravishment, so I've been getting some practice.
I think I used the word/word segment "ravish" more times in that paragraph than I have in the whole week put together.
Rek is very passive and "whatever you want". I was surprised to hear her describe herself as a control freak for other things.
Oh, and Rek: tell me if I start going into way too much detail.
(There was here a three-hour-plus break to go to Castles with Lee. Now I shall finish writing.)
There was manual sex with Rek sprawled out across my lap, her head cradled in my left arm, my right doing fun and dextrous things to her squishy bits. (I should get more comfortable with the word "cunt". Eh, things-to-do.) I like that, I really like that. I get eye contact, a lot of skin-on-skin and a delicious feeling of power. (Well, I suppose it wouldn't give the power feeling if my lovely partner weren't enjoying it... but she was.) She kept bridging her hips up, which lowered her head below her lungs, which caused "full sinus" problems.
There was then PIV sex. Old-school, missionary-position PIV sex. I don't usually like being on top, for several reasons. I'm lazy, for one. I'm big (height, not really weight) so I'm liable to squash my partner. I just feel... kinda goofy sweating away up there like that. Rek seemed to like it, though. I felt kind of de-mojo'd when I asked if she was all set and she told me she'd already had her orgasm. "Aiee!! I didn't notice! I'm a bad partner..." And, of course, when it was all over, there was the "I hope that's not entirely my sweat" moment.
Then there was a nice, long (even though she had to leave) post-sex cuddle period. I just cuddled up to her midsection and we talked about silly things. (I asked "what's it like with another girl?", which, in retrospect, is kind of funny because I clearly know "what it's like" with a girl...) Then, all too soon, Rek had to leave for some kind of SIC thing.
I then scavenged some of what was left of dinner. (Rek and I had fucked through mealtime.) The people cleaning up were very, very nice about this; they didn't seem to mind that I was roaming around picking food out of the leftovers fridge. I like this. Lee arrived, and I had to dash off to Castles with her before I could finish this entry, hence the aforementioned delay.
Morgan and Jonathan the Castles people showed a somewhat cheesy, somewhat cool PBS special about (of course) castles. I found it mildly educational, though I was more impressed with the decor of their apartment. (Very "ren faire".) On the way back out into the blizzarding wastelands, Lee wanted to know if I found Morgan and Jonathan as cute as she did. I posited that I'd managed to condition myself not to see attached people as attractive. This would be conventient, if true. Eh, wishful thinking.
After Castles we went to the library, where Lee beat her print quota stupid to the tune of "-9 print pages remaining". Scary. I, again, did not proposition Yvonne, despite talking to Lee about it. So, in addition to not having a new potential sex partner, I feel all stupid and cowardly. Bleah.
On the way back, I felt... different. Maybe it's that it's so fucking cold out, maybe it was the lack of alone time, maybe it's the phase of the moon. I just felt very, very... touchy. Like I just want to be left alone, like I really, really need to be left alone, if only for a few minutes. Hence, I jumped at the opportunity to run out for munchies by myself while Lee waited back at Old B. When I got back from the grocery store with high fructose corn syrup (in many fascinating shapes), Lee was feeling all couple-y and huggy, and it was simply not there for me. She's over on the bed studying cognitive right now.
This is a very weird feeling. I don't know why I feel this way. Whenever something like this happens (I start thinking evil mean nasty things, too, which I don't like thinking) I think of my brother, and it frightens me. Sure, sure, there's no value judgment in mental illness... but sure as fuck there's a value judgment involved in being my brother. |
|
|
| the long-postponed update. |
[Mar. 22nd, 2002|09:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crunch crunch kettle corn crunch | ] |
Lee somehow was interested in having sex, even after the wacky "mope" thing I was having last night. Go figure. She got up and went to abnormal, but I decided that "warm snuggly covers" trumped "dissociative disorders".
Lee left me a message on the computer, telling me to "oh, and bring my laundry". Sleepy and puzzled, I, after actually making it down to breakfast in time to eat, packed up her warm dry laundry into the big green laundry bag and hauled it off to our designated meeting place. Realizing halfway there that I looked like some kind of lanky green-bagged Santa and that this was probably not what she had in mind, I was by then too far forward to turn back. She did, after all, mean that I should just bring it up to her room. Oh well, it was a cutesy moment.
There was bathtime. When I grow up, I'm going to get a me-sized bathtub! I'm tired of all this "way too short" action that leaves me cold, uncomfortable or some combination of the two. (Not to even mention the logistical nightmare of trying to fit Lee in there with me!) She seemed not to mind, though. We curled up in the warm water and talked about our future. It was nice.
We got out of the tub, had more sex... we're having a little kind-of-incompatible thing, 'cause I think it seems... impersonal. She doesn't feel the same way... It's not bad at all, nope. This is, after all, kind of a silly thing to be complaining about. Next week I'll complain that no one ever touches me. Puts things in perspective...
Post-sex, there was silliness while we tried to roust ourselves to get up and brave the chilliness to get to the Mandarin for dinner. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes sex makes bodies feel... funny. Objects-of-humor funny, not just weird-funny. Tee hee.
Going outside in the cold at night gives me a frozen feeling, not just on the outside (especially the ears) but on the inside, as if the sheer grandiose deadly majesty of the snow-covered forest is impressed upon me as soon as I clear the porch. Deadly, very deadly. The silent cold gives me an urge to immediately dash for warm indoor safety. This, of course, goes double for when I'm walking by a not-quite-frozen stream, as we did both to and from the Mandarin.
As our going-out movie choice runs past eleven (the projected point of Rek's return), we'll stay in and watch From Hell instead and await Rek. She said she'd sleep on the way back from her all-day thingy, so I'll caffeinate myself and we'll have a fun stay-up-late time... after the movie. |
|
|
| hey obies! thppt! |
[Mar. 22nd, 2002|09:44 pm] |
Hey, someone thought I was an Obie!
Here's the thread. Cool, eh? |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
grendelkhan's journal